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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495000">Backwards and Forwards</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruityPebblezz/pseuds/FruityPebblezz'>FruityPebblezz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Team Fortress 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fat Shaming, Implied Mpreg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:55:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruityPebblezz/pseuds/FruityPebblezz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dell meets up with the daughter he gave up for adoption two decades earlier, and the reunion opens up new doors.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Backwards and Forwards</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this a couple of weeks ago as a stand-alone thing, but a lot of people liked it, so I'm cross-posting it here. This is very angsty but it was super cathartic to write at the time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. As always, feedback is appreciated.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It occurred to Dell, as he waited outside the convenience store, that he’d never properly met the person he’d agreed to reunite with.</p><p>He knew one thing: her name was Mayella, and for the past twenty years he’d had little to no contact with her. He had met her only one time, and it had been very brief— the whole day was a blur, but it was one he recalled as the most stressful moment of his life. It was the day she was born, so it should have been the best day ever, but for a terrified young man who had never wanted children, it was quite the opposite.</p><p>She’d been placed in his arms for just a few seconds before he had choked out, “Please take her away, I don’t want her!” before handing her to the nearest nurse and burying himself back into the blankets while ignoring her cries. He remembered how different the nurses and the doctor treated him after that incident: like he’d committed a horrible sin, like he was now less of a person because he hadn’t agreed to take care of a little thing the universe had quite literally dropped onto his lap without warning. Yet as the paperwork was taken care of and the infant was removed out of Dell’s life, he didn’t really regret the decision. He continued his studies, worked as hard as he could, and ended up taking over the job passed down to him from his grandfather. He reached success, he grew into the man he’d always wanted to be, and he wouldn’t have traded that for the world.</p><p>And yet…</p><p>He did think about her, more than he’d like to admit. Whenever he’d see children playing outside on playgrounds, while their parents watched or pushed them on the swings, he couldn’t help but feel a deep ache in his heart. That could have been him, playing games with his little girl, helping her down the slide or pushing her on the swing set, but it wasn’t. However, whenever those regretful thoughts would creep in, he’d push them back with one overarching mindset, the one he’d had since the day she was born: she had a new family now. She had parents who were ready to care for her, who had the time and the means to bring up a child. Wherever she was, she was happy, and that was all that mattered. Dell had nothing to regret.</p><p>Now he watched the store where she’d agreed to meet him over the phone. Her voice sounded so rough for a twenty-year-old, and if Dell hadn’t known who she was he would have assumed she was a much older woman. But, no, she was his child. His daughter— how strange. He had no idea what she even looked like, but all she’d told him was that she’d be wearing a pink bandanna around her neck.</p><p>And all of a sudden, Dell looked out the window and there she was. From far away, she looked so small and fragile, but as she got closer she became what she was: a thick-bodied girl with arms and hands that spoke of years of hard, physical work. Dell quickly unlocked the passenger side door, opening it for her.</p><p>“Howdy!” He exclaimed, and then realized he actually had no plan for what else he was going to say. What was the proper protocol for meeting one’s own child? He had no idea, but he didn’t have much time to think as she was already in the seat next to him.</p><p>Mayella situated herself in the seat next to him, where she immediately pulled out a little glass bottle from her plastic bag.</p><p>“I got you some sweet tea,” she told him timidly, though her voice suddenly didn’t match her face anymore. She placed the still-cold bottle into his palm. “Ain’t as good as what I got back home, but…”</p><p>Dell couldn’t help but laugh, gratefully taking the bottle. “Aw, thanks! You didn’t have to get me nothin’, it looks mighty good,” he started the car back up once he’d closed the door. “I was thinkin’ I’d just take you to my place, that okay?”</p><p>Mayella nodded. “Yep, that’s fine,”</p><p>They did talk during the car ride, much to Dell’s delight. He was so worried the drive would be awkward, but once he started asking her about school and what she wanted to do, they hit it off right away. He learned that she was studying to be an architect, while also dabbling in physics, and he couldn’t have been prouder.</p><p>Once they arrived at the rental cabin where Dell was staying for the week, he let her in and showed her to a seat.</p><p>“You want anything to eat? Drink?” He wanted to know as they both sat down in the living room.</p><p>Mayella shrugged. “Nah, I’m good,”</p><p>“All right,” Dell folded his arms before the room became silent. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, and after a few seconds, Mayella took a breath.</p><p>“So…” she started, staring down at the floor. “I guess the first thing I wanna ask is…why’d you give me up?”</p><p>Dell knew she was going to ask that, and luckily he’d prepared an answer. “Well, I was real young, you know? I was still in school, I didn’t have a job or nothin’, I couldn’t care for a baby,” he smiled reassuringly at her. “I knew you’d be better off if you had a family who could take care of you properly, y’know?”</p><p>Mayella just nodded, looking back up at him. “Okay…that’s kinda what I figured,”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dell agreed. He paused, before posing the question, “So, uh, what’s your family like, anyway?”</p><p>“Good, I guess,” Mayella sat up taller, tucking her hair back. “We got a farm, we sell apples and peaches. Make a lot of money,”</p><p>Dell felt relieved to hear that. “Good, real good. Got any siblings?”</p><p>Mayella nodded. “Yep. Got a lil’ sister, her name’s Ruby. She’s in high school,”</p><p>“Oh, that’s great!” Dell grinned, glad to hear she wasn’t an only child in that household. “I bet you two get along real well,”</p><p>Mayella’s smile faltered. “Ah, well…I mean…not really,” she let out a little laugh. “I-I mean, she’s great, she’s a nice kid, I guess, but…” she sighed. “This is gonna sound real stupid, but…I’ve always been jealous of her,”</p><p>Dell frowned. “Jealous? Aw, hon, you can’t go around bein’ jealous,”</p><p>“I know, I know,” Mayella waved him off. “It’s just…I knew I was adopted, y’know? And Ruby, well…she wasn’t,”</p><p>Dell slowly realized what Mayella was saying. “Oh…” he went quiet, before asking, “Your mom and dad, did they…did they treat you different from her?”</p><p>Mayella didn’t look at him. “Yeah,” she admitted after a long pause. “She was their lil’ miracle baby, they had no idea she was gonna show up. She was a gift from the heavens, she got everythin’ she wanted. And me?” She sighed again, though this time it sounded wearier. “I was just the fat big sister. I did all the chores, all the work, while mom and dad gave her the world and all the stars. I used to hate her back then, but…I don’t know. It ain’t her fault,”</p><p>Dell’s heart sank at what he was hearing. His daughter, a modern-day Cinderella? He’d never even entertained the thought.</p><p>“Oh, Mayella…” he took her hand into his, squeezing it. “Hey…I-I’m sorry,”</p><p>Mayella squeezed his hand back, but she assured him, “It’s okay, really. Mom and dad gave me a roof over my head, at least, so I guess I should be grateful, yeah?” She cleared her throat. “Besides, it wasn’t like I was an easy kid,”</p><p>“Yeah?” Dell moved a little closer to her. “Well, neither was I. No kid is really ‘easy’,”</p><p>“I know, but…” Mayella frowned. “I was always a very emotional kid. Used to piss everyone off when I’d cry over nothin’. One day mom got so angry at me ‘cause I was cryin’ so much after a boy in my class called me a fat cow, and it was keepin’ her from cookin’ dinner,” she laughed, but it was a laugh clearly masking pain. “She called for dad all like, ‘Mayella’s bein’ wishy-washy, get in here and give her somethin’ to cry about!’ God, it’s so clear in my head…”</p><p>Dell, however, was horrified. “They didn’t hug you? They didn’t talk to your teacher about the kid who harassed you? They got mad at you for bein’ sad?”</p><p>Mayella seemed a bit confused. “Well…no, I mean— I had to fight my own battles. Can’t rely on mom and dad for everything, y’know?”</p><p>“I know!” Dell blurted out, perhaps a bit louder than he’d meant to. “I just…” he sighed, feeling regret welling up in his heart. “Had that been me…I would have hugged you, told you how beautiful you are, and gone to give that teacher a piece of my mind about lettin’ some kid call you names,” he looked down to his hands for a moment, going quiet, imagining it. He imagined her as a little girl, coming to him in tears, while he fixed her a nice meal and kissed her tears away. Afterward, he’d sit with her on the front porch and play silly songs on the guitar for her until she smiled again. God…that would have been something.</p><p>He looked back up with her, just in time to see the tears falling from her eyes, and he realized she’d been imagining it too. She sniffled, her lower lip shaking as she tried to smile. “That would’ve been real nice,” she choked out, her eyes shimmering. She roughly wiped them away with her wrist, sighing. “I…I always thought you’d never want me. No one wanted me when Ruby came, no one wanted to date me in high school ‘cause I was just the weird fat chick, and no one wants me now…” she looked down at herself, disgust in her eyes. “I hate being me sometimes,”</p><p>That did it. Dell stood right up, going straight to her side and pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace. “Don’t you dare say that,” his voice shook when he spoke, but he could hardly care. “Fuck all of those folks who couldn’t see your worth— fuck them for makin’ you think those awful things about yourself,” tears were trailing down his cheeks, now, and he pulled away just enough to brush her hair out of her face and look her in the eyes. “You are so damn smart, and you are beautiful, Mayella. In every possible definition of the word, you are beautiful,”</p><p>Mayella broke out into loud sobs, and she buried her face in his chest, letting out the years of frustration of self-hatred as she wept. She held him like a lifeline, sobbing as her tears soaked his clothing, but he couldn’t care less. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her so tightly that he never wanted to let go. He wasn’t going to let her go again— she was his to keep, now.</p><p>As he held his daughter and cried with her, he felt himself wanting to sink deeper into regret. His mind reeled with the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if onlys’, but he pushed it all down.</p><p>He couldn’t live in the past, all he could do was gather her back into his arms and move forward. Perhaps he couldn’t make peace with that at this moment since he was far too emotional to think rationally, but he would later.</p><p>For now, he settled onto the sofa with Mayella all wrapped up in his arms, and he let her rest against his shoulder. She’d mostly calmed down, but she smiled up at him weakly, her eyes red from the tears.</p><p>“Y’know,” she remarked after a moment. “Out of all of the folks out there who could’ve been my dad, I’m real glad it’s you,”</p><p>“Me too, kid,” he sighed, laying his chin against her hairline. “Me too…”</p>
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